The presence of my mother in Rwanda helped me realize how
incredibly awkward my daily interactions in Peace Corps Rwanda are. We used the
phrase “Peace Corps is the name, awkward is the game” often. Daily. I’ve
decided to share a few moments with you of ordinary interactions made awkward
by language and cultural differences.
The Greeting
In Rwanda, greeting someone is of extreme importance and
neglecting to formally greet someone is taken as an insult. The greeting
involves some form of “hello” but also a handshake. The handshake takes on many
forms: a handshake, a handshake where you touch your left hand to your right
elbow, grabbing the wrist instead of the hand, doing this half-hug, bringing
your head near their cheek three times and sometimes touching foreheads. The problem comes in using that half a
second to determine which physical greeting they are expecting and being able
to smoothly return it. My poor mother, I threw her into the village without
teaching her the greeting! Within a span of about 5 minutes, she greeted half a
dozen people without knowing what to do. She did GREAT! Better than me.
An awkward greeting looks something like this: a little too
much distance, hand placement must be corrected a time or two and when the one
person goes in for a cheek greeting and the second person doesn’t, the second
must overcompensate for this mistake by strongly jumping into the movement. My
most awkward greeting to date was just like this last scenario. My female
neighbor went in for the cheek/embrace but I did not. This caused me to belatedly
jumped into it and, overzealous me, we essentially kissed.
The Cultural Taboos
There were a few cultural norms I learned in training that I
forgot to share with my Mom before she came. Some of them are so irrelevant
that I didn’t bother; however, I should have warned her about smelling food.
When we ate at my colleagues’ house one night, she sat down and as any American
would do, she picked up the dish, smelled it and said, “ah delicious!” before
serving herself.
Imagine someone sitting at your dinner table and farting. Or
insulting your cooking. This is what my mom accidentally did. I read my two
colleagues for signs of anger or discomfort but they hid them well. And luckily
she didn’t smell the ubugare.
The Sexual Advances
I’ll periodically have a conversation with a random male and
my friendly, foreign nature is interpreted as an invitation. The conversation
immediately turns from greetings and small talk to “I need you” or “I want an
American girl but I can’t find one.” Though embarrassing, I do not let myself
blush or get too angry. The interesting thing I would note about these sexual
advances is that they only appear to me awkward FOR ME.
The Labeling
For an indirect culture, Rwandans sure like to label people.
Everyone is either good or bad, serious or not serious, a girl or a woman, etc.
They immediately label me a rich girl (never woman) and they laugh at any
objections I make. This tendency to label gets particularly awkward when I am
with other volunteers. Any Rwandan, a stranger or long time friend, will be
quick to say who is fatter, skinnier, smarter, more beautiful or who has a
richer mother. We’ve learned to take it with a grain of salt and laugh it off.
The Language Misunderstanding
This is an example of a language misunderstanding that
occurred between my neighbor and I on the telephone. It was harmless, as they
usually are. Italics indicate words spoken in Kinyarwanda.
Me (Penina): Hello
Odille! How are you?
Odille: When are you
coming?
Me: I will come
tomorrow in the afternoon.
Odille: [something in Kinyarwanda that I in no way
understand]
Me: I don’t know what you are saying.
Odille: Thank you. The
same to you!
Me: Ok, see you
tomorrow! Bye.
The Jealous Neighbor
I’m told by many Rwandans that villagers often poison people
out of jealously and anger. This is supposedly a common practice in my
district. Because of this fear of poisoning, it is customary to prepare, open
and/or sip food and beverages in front of a guest to show that they are not
poisoned. This is another thing I forgot to warn my Mom about.
Mama Devotha and her daughter came over for tea late one
evening. We poured both their teas but the daughter’s had some milk chunks
floating in it so my mom innocently took the cup to the kitchen to remove them.
I ran after her while our two guests sat frozen, certain that death or at least
painful stomach cramps were coming their way.
At this point, I started getting really flustered because I
knew they thought I was poisoning the daughter. So I carried the cup out myself
and before presenting it to her, I took a sip. My Mom was like, “what are you
doing? That’s hers.” So I had awkward coming at me from both sides but I didn’t
want to explain in their presence. It was so typically awkward. In the end,
Devotha did not drink her tea.
The Unusual Maladies of White People
Rwandans have many questions about my health and let’s just
say these conversations never make me feel comfortable. Sometimes, I will be
asked if women in America have periods and if the reason I stayed home from
school was because of “women’s problems.” Also, Rwandans do not have acne so
not only do they notice acne on a white person but they routinely comment AND
THEN PUT THEIR FINGERS ALL OVER YOUR PIMPLES TO TOUCH THEM. People also like to
grab your arms, hair, etc. When a man is grabbing my upper arm to comment on
how fat I am, he will usually remark on my rough skin and ask what I am sick
with.
It’s pretty fun.
I usually diffuse an awkward situation with a smile. I
frequently play the “dumb umuzungu” card. What else can you do? :-)
